posted March 18, 2013

Oh happy day! The results are in and our dear Captain Malfeasance has bested Maddie "The Boss" Hayward. He now gets set to face off against Republican Mike Kresteva for the highest office in the state. That’s right: it's the reformed drunk vs. the reformed womanizer in a race where the voters of Illinois are the real winners.

Guys. Seriously. Is it too late for a write-in campaign? Dennis Rodman seems to be getting his diplomacy bona fides these days. Miley's got some time, now that she's not planning three weddings as a 21-year-old. (Psst, Miley: Smartest move ever, girl! High five through the computer.) But let's get moving and find ourselves another option. Then, Kresteva and Florrick can backslide back to floozin’ and boozin' their way through the Heartland, discovering an unlikely friendship in the process. Get David Gordon Green to direct, and BOOM! – democracy is saved.