posted February 23, 2011

We knew no one could be that perfect. It turns out that Chicago�s own Snow White, Wendy Scott-Carr, has employed Natalie Flores, an illegal immigrant, as a nanny for the past five years.

[Brief sidebar to the candidates: Okay, one more time. This is how it works. The press (that�s us!) is going to investigate your background. We are going to be looking for instances of law-breaking and hypocrisy. Also, we love salacious stuff involving poor judgment and Craigslist. So why do you all keep breaking the law in easily discovered ways?!! It is easy for us to check whether you paid a household employee�s Social Security taxes. Stop acting like morons! You�re taking all the fun out of it.]

And we�re back! And we have to say, while this looks like a giant boon to the flagging Florrick campaign, we have our doubts. Sure, Flores isn�t a citizen, but two middle-aged white men ganging up on a young African-American female political candidate and mother of two over childcare isn�t exactly a dream scenario for a campaign, either.

What do you think? Does the revelation of Wendy�s nanny problems change your opinion of her? Or do you think that he who is without need for decent, affordable childcare should lay off throwing the first stone?

posted February 22, 2011

What are today�s youth learning in Chicago�s high schools? Not a lot of respect for the First Amendment, apparently. In a backward attempt to avoid what school administrators described as �disruptive classroom situations,� one North Side high school, in the past two months, has suspended or threatened to suspend seventeen students for a variety of T-shirt based insubordinations.

The offending slogans have expressed have covered a wide swath of topics: gay student groups (pro and anti), Obama (ditto), the Tea Party movement (ditto), Islam (ditto), Christianity (pro), Bob Marley (pro), and Justin Bieber Grammy robbery (anti).

To the teens speaking their minds on political and social issues, we have your back, whatever you choose to put on it. Even if we hate it.

Which brings us to to the Beliebers. We support your right to fiercely decry Justin�s loss, but give Esperanza Spalding and Arcade Fire a chance. Seriously. In five years, you�ll thank us.

posted February 21, 2011

With the State�s Attorney�s election in sight and the final candidate debate just around the corner, the race has become Wendy Scott-Carr�s to lose. After the scandal-ridden tenure of Florrick and the equally contentious term of his successor Glenn Childs, Chicagoans have found the political novice a breath of fresh air and now Scott-Carr seems poised to do the unthinkable: knock off two experienced politicians without the backing of Chicago�s political machine.

She�s our very own Taylor Swift: sure, maybe our teeth hurt from the sugar if we listen to her for too long, but she seems plucky enough, and we can�t hate her just because little birds dress her in the morning.

What do you think, readers? Is it time for Wendy to Speak Now? (Ugh, yes, we�ll show ourselves out.)

posted February 16, 2011

Those aren't tears; they're glycerin. It's Hollywood, baby.

Screenwriter Rand Blaylock gave a great apology in an televised interview last night, as required by the terms of the lawsuit settlement. But he made sure to fire off some shots at the Lockhart Gardner lawyers who cost him a cool $35 million. As for the apology, Blaylock did just barely manage not to grit his teeth as he said it, though it did have a certain "I'm sorry if you were offended�" flavor about it. Somehow we don't think Patric Edelstein will mind one bit.

posted February 16, 2011

Patric Edelstein's on a roll. Not only is his search engine breaking into the area of four billion, but he also just had a film released about him, and he's suing over it. Rumor has it Edelstein has brought his lawsuit from sunny Silicon Valley to the why-is-the-sky-still-gray Chicago. Still trying to find out which Chi-town firm would be dumb enough to take on Edelstein's impossible-to-win lawsuit.

Reasons for you to sue, Patty-cakes, was it hurt feelings? Spilt milk? Or because the film captured your teary eyed reaction to your girlfriend dumping your geek ass? Are you arguing in depositions that you were wearing new contacts, or was it just an allergic reaction to rejection?

Edelstein's goal probably isn't to make a statement about "based on a true story" movies or to stir up publicity for his website in an attempt to take down the world's #1 search engine. It's probably just simply about the money, because somebody has to become the world's youngest duodecillionaire. (trust me, it's a word � Google it and see).

posted February 16, 2011

Hear that? Nope, neither do we. It's quiet out there. Almost�too quiet.
(Excuse me as I whip out my bucket list and cross off #83: Use grizzled cowboy dialogue in real life situation.)

Where were we? Oh yes. The sound of silence. Five homegrown terrorists are arrested for a plot to blow up the world's busiest airport weeks before an election and the three people vying to be the state's most powerful prosecutor are saying�nothing at all?

Breast implants, cancer, white husbands, sleeping bags, ugly divorces � these three haven't shut up for months! And now, when an actual life-and-death criminal matter lands in their collective laps, they've all gone radio silent. What gives? Give us your best theories!

posted February 9, 2011

Oh high school band teachers. Is there no end to the havoc they wreak? (Yeah, bring it, Ryan Murphy. We're itching for a Twitter war.)

You know when people always say "it's like a train wreck, but I couldn't look away"? This is ACTUALLY like a train wreck. And we dare you to rip your eyes � and ears � away from this video made by high school teacher (and Florrick superfan) Neal Howard Sloan-Jacob.

Now that you've heard it, you'll continue to hear it for days. Trust us. Its staying power ranks somewhere right between Haddaway's "What Is Love?" and "588-2300, Em-pire!"